5 Methods to Regain Control After a Break-Up or Loss

There's good news: We CAN have control over our emotions! The grief over the loss of a loved one or a broken heart can be felt and then released. It's simply up to you to take charge of feeling better again. Are you up for it?

Just after my divorce, I had a huge amount of grief to release around the belief that I can’t protect my kids 100 percent of the time anymore. There were many aspects of that thought that made me feel scared. Worries ran through my mind: What is he (their father) teaching them - what if they are learning bad habits from him? Can I have any influence at all? Then of course there were irrational fears such as: What if he shuts me out completely and talks trash about me to our sons? What if he moves out-of-state or stops contacting me when it’s his turn to have our sons? What if he neglects them to the point they get hurt? These excruciating thoughts kept me up at night. Then I began using these 5 Methods for taking charge of feeling good again.
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1.)  Suffering can be alleviated by letting go of fear and having compassion for ourselves. When we feel ourselves having a really tough time . . . let it happen. Suffering is okay. It will pass. Remember, emotions are energy, so don’t attach yourself to them. Emotions are meant to come and go. The only reason we are sad/angry/stressed out is because we keep telling ourselves that we are sad/angry/stressed out. We run this loop in our heads over and over. Instead, let yourself cry; it’s another form of releasing and letting go. This is what we do have control over.

“Tears are a river that takes you somewhere … Tears lift your boat off the rocks, off dry ground, carrying it downriver to someplace better.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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​2.) You can also gain a sense of control with perspective. It can change your attitude and lift you up in the morning! Each and every day is a new day to let go of the past and begin with a clean slate. If you choose to. It’s for you to decide what you would like to focus on.

Where will you place your attention? Will it be ~

• Victim thinking (Why me ...?) OR Victor over your circumstances (I learned a lot of valuable lessons!)
• Confusion ("I don't know ...") OR clarity (I know what my next step is!)
• Head space (thinking too much, over-analyzing) OR heart space (feeling the connection you have with your Divine self)
• Letting your emotions run your life (bad mood = bad day) OR taking charge by managing them (I felt angry for a while, let it out and then I let it go)

3.) Redirect thoughts to those things you do have control over. Then let everything else (that you don't have control over) go! Steer away from negative thinking and past memories that make you feel badly. Learn to delete or cancel these thoughts. Our thoughts need to serve us, not bring us down.

​​4.) Use the present moment to be mindful of your thoughts and choose wisely. (Choose, yay - it's sunny and warm outside right now! As opposed to lamenting over something you said yesterday.) It’s comforting to know that we have this kind of freedom available to us at all times.

5.) Finally, a simple twist of a negative thought can transform into a positive helpful thought. A new encouraging thought helps us to let go of wanting control. To be more accepting of what IS. The example I used earlier with the thought/belief of losing my ability to protect my children at all times, can be seen in a new light with this positive thought: They are learning how to become independent, self-reliant human beings.

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That feels much better, now it's your turn!

Excerpt taken from Part 1, Learn How to Master Your Body, Heart and Mind in my book, "A New Leaf; 12 Spiritual Truths for Starting Over."  What did you like or dislike about this post?  Tell me about your success with these methods! I'd like to hear your story - leave a comment below. Or if you feel like you need someone to guide you through, schedule an appointment with me by clicking here.

Look for my next post: " Men Meeting their needs"